Learning Gratitude

[Jaunty Guitar Music]

Mike: Welcome, everybody. This is Avoiding the Addiction Affliction brought to you by Westwords Consulting and the Kenosha County Substance Use Disorder Coalition. I'm Mike McGowan.

Mike: This Saturday, September 21st, is World Gratitude Day. We've had conversations here before about the importance of gratitude, but we've never addressed it from the perspective of a child.

Mike: How do children learn gratitude? If you'll forgive me, in a culture seemingly full of the opposite. I've invited back as our guest Jacqui Letran. Jacqui, as you may recall, is an author, speaker, nurse practitioner, and teen confidence expert. She blends over 20 years of experience working with teens in the medical and holistic settings to provide time tested, practical guidance to help teen girls especially, but teens in general, embody peaceful confidence.

Mike: Her multi award winning Words of Wisdom for Teens book series is considered a go to resource for teens, parents of teens, and anyone working with teens. And Jacqui, I've had a ton of people tell me since our last conversation that they've ordered the books. And her new book, Have You Ever Thanked Your Nose?, and the series of books that will follow are geared towards young children. Welcome back, Jacqui.

Jacqui: Thank you so much for having me back. We had a great conversation last time. I'm excited for this one.

Mike: Yeah. And for those of you watching on YouTube, the books behind Jacqui are the new series of books and that's your granddaughter, right on the cover.

Jacqui: It is. It is. I've been writing books for teens and then I went into adult books because the parents asked for their own version. But when I had my granddaughter, something turned, you know, I've been wanting to write a children's book for a really long time. And with her, it just made it so incredibly obvious, but I still didn't know what to write.

Jacqui: Because, you know, like I work with mindset. I teach mindset. And how do you teach mindset to a little one?

Mike: Well, right, I was just, that's the first question I was going to ask you. The research, right, we know as health practitioners, the research points to the expression of gratitude is critical with all sorts of positive physical, emotional, mental health concerns.

Mike: But how do children learn what gratitude is?

Jacqui: You know, I think a lot of it is modeling, right? And us parents, unfortunately, aren't the best model sometimes because, as you know, we are so good about complaining about when things don't go well. If you go to a restaurant, for example, and you had horrible service, how many people do you tell?

Mike: Everyone.

Jacqui: Everyone (laugh). And if you had great service, how many people do you tell?

Mike: I that's a great question, but, but you will say, right, the expression of gratitude is learning to tell the same people.

Jacqui: Exactly, right? And most of us, we might tell one or four people if things go well, but if it's bad, oh man, everybody hear about it.

Jacqui: Little kids, we adults, we went through this and little kids are going through this even at a higher rate, is we're forced with all this negativity all the time. That's what makes the news. That's what's newsworthy. So we're taught from a really young age that negative things is what get attention, and as little kids, they equate attention equal love.

Jacqui: So what are we teaching children when we're watching the news all the time? And we are complaining about this, that, and the other thing. We're teaching love equal negativity, love equal pain, love equal hurt. We're not doing that on purpose, but that's the lesson the kids are learning.

Mike: You know, I was speaking to a group the other night to about three or four hundred people, and I'd spent the day in the grocery store.

Mike: You talked about parents as models, right? And I was struck by how few people anymore say, thank you, please, excuse me, I'm sorry. This woman was standing in front of the eggs forever, and I'm patiently waiting, and she saw me waiting, and then just kind of shrugged her shoulders, never said, oh, I'm in your way.

Mike: And when I said that to the group of 300 or 400, oh!, they went, they were like, yes!, we have to be better at this.

Jacqui: Yes, I agree! We have to be better. And we were better at one time, and I'm not sure what happened, but we are moving away from that. It's just so much more about, I don't, I hate saying this word, but almost like an entitlement and almost a blindness to others, right?

Jacqui: We are in such a hurry, busy world that we're like, okay, we got to get this, we got to get the right eggs for our party. And we're so in our head thinking about our party that we forget other people exist. But that's a little bit different than what I'm teaching in these books is still, you know, about being present and the thank you and the please and the excuse me and all of that.

Jacqui: But just recognizing the little things that we take for granted every single day are the things that are most amazing, are the thing that can bring us so much joy, so much blessing that we don't think about. For example, seriously, when was the last time you thanked your nose?

Mike: Okay, talk about that because I find it interesting.

Mike: You could have focused on anything, but you chose to focus on the senses. How come?

Jacqui: Yeah. It's actually really interesting. I've been wanting to write the children's book, like I mentioned earlier, and I had no clue what to do. I sit down and I'm like, you know, nothing comes up. And then I think it's been a year now.

Jacqui: I went to visit my granddaughter and she gave me the worst sinus infection in my entire life. (laugh)

Mike: Yeah. Well, they are carriers, aren't they? Yeah.

Jacqui: But again, in something like that, there's a beautiful gift, right? And I'm gonna share that beautiful gift. And so I'm sick and I'm in bed, and I have never been this miserable.

Jacqui: I mean, childbirth was better. (laugh) And so I'm just sitting here and as most of us when we're sick, we think that's like, oh my God, I can't breathe. This is miserable. You know, I haven't slept. I'm so tired. I hate this. And those are the thoughts that go through our minds when we're sick for most of us. And I start laughing.

Jacqui: I'm like, I'm a mindset mentor. I teach people what you focus on, you create. And what am I creating for myself? A lot of misery. And I literally sat up giggling, right, at this point. And I'm like, thank you, nose. Okay, so let's see. Nose, you help me breathe. You are just so amazing. And I breathe so freely. And because I can breathe freely, I can have great conversation.

Jacqui: Food tastes great. And I went on and on thanking my nose and I'm like, that's my book. That's my book right there. I just wrote my book literally in 10 minutes. And so I got super excited and I continued thanking my nose. And did my sinus infection go away? No, it was still there. But the experience I had with this sinus infection changed.

Jacqui: I was no longer miserable. I was in this gratitude, a space of gratitude, where I realized, yeah, my nose, you know, does so much for me that I never, ever acknowledge, and now it's my turn to thank my nose and to actually take care of it the way it's been taking care of me, giving it love the way it's been giving me love.

Jacqui: And so, I was no longer miserable. I was sick, but I was in a space of joy while I was sick.

Mike: Well, and when you think about it, I love the nose part because when you think about it little kids are focused on their senses, right? And when I ask people, what are some smells that you really like? You know, when we focus on that.

Mike: Babies come up a lot, right? And we can, anybody who's ever had a kid knows that smell, right? And that enriches us.

Jacqui: Yes, yes. And I mean, like, you know, just think back to your last cold and how, you know, because you couldn't smell things. What was your experience like? I mean, it does so much. I mean, if we don't breathe, we die. (laugh)

Mike: Right, right.

Jacqui: It's that simple. I mean, our nose really allow us to live, right? Among other organs and stuff like that. But we take it for granted. Like we take everything else for granted. Like, you know, mommy making us this nice, delicious meal. We forget the thank you. We forget that it takes, you know, somebody to go to work, to bring home the money, to bring home the stuff and then to cook and clean and take care of us little kids.

Jacqui: When we as adults teach them gratitude right now, it's more of a force. An example that would be like, you know, let's say you gave my granddaughter a gift and she would just like, whatever. And I would say, Bean Bean, say, thank you.

Mike: Yeah. Say, thank you.

Jacqui: Thank you. (begrudgingly tone) But there's no meaning behind it. It was just words that she was forced to say without understanding what it means.

Jacqui: So in the book, it's really, I start the book out with Bean Bean, my granddaughter, thanking her nose for everything it does for her. So in that, you know, there's a subtle lesson in gratitude and love and joy, but also teaching the kids the function of the nose. And then I go into, oh, now you know you're sick and these are the things that are happening to me because you're sick.

Jacqui: And then I'm going to take care of you by eating good food, by resting, and you know, depending on which organ, the specific stuff for the organ. And so it's more or less a love letter from my granddaughter to her nose and to her ears and her eyes and her skin and her tongue, thanking those specific organs for all the wonderful things that allow her to do, allow her to experience.

Mike: You know, I think it's interesting that you started with the nose too, because I've seen videos of people who are experiencing long COVID and they lose their sense of taste and smell, which go together, right? And then when they get it back and they taste something, the joy, they're crying.

Mike: Sometimes we don't realize stuff until it's gone. Like your sinus infection, right?

Jacqui: Definitely, definitely. But you know, even in that case of the COVID, we're like, Oh my gosh, my tastebud is back! Oh, yes! Life is amazing! There's still no thank you to the nose. We still don't really recognize, you know, how important our noses are, right?

Jacqui: Because again, it's the things that we take for granted. When it works, it's amazing, we don't think about it, and when it doesn't work, we get upset.

Mike: You know, when we talk about this, as you went through it before, it's like you sat up giggling, and you're like, oh my gosh, and then you said a series of things, and you're real quick with that, right?

Mike: So you're used to this. I've had people say, ah, it doesn't work. It does work, right? Changing your mindset is important in changing your life.

Jacqui: Right and that goes back to the episode that we had previously to that and how the mind works. Whatever it is that you focus on you're basically programming, telling, instructing your mind to create more of that experience. So it doesn't work because people do it the opposite way.

Jacqui: So I don't know if we talked about affirmation in the last visit we had, but we're gonna talk about it again.

Mike: Yeah. Right. Go.

Jacqui: A lot of people do affirmation and they say affirmation doesn't work. And that's what gratitude really is, is a form of affirmation.

Mike: Yes.

Jacqui: And so when people do affirmation, they affirm the negative rather than affirming the thing they want. And so it is working. It's working to affirm the negative that you had, you know, set out to do unintentionally. So what I mean by that is when we do gratitude, a lot of us do things like, you know let's say we are working on finances and we have zero dollar in the bank.

Jacqui: And the affirmation is I'm rich. Well, that sounds amazing. It sounds highly positive, but when you say the words, your body physiology has to match because whatever you feel is a stronger command than the words you're using.

Jacqui: And so if you're saying, I'm rich, but then you know, you have no money in your bank and there's this big gut bomb and, you know, going on and you're palpitating and all these negativity, your body's rejecting the statement, basically.

Jacqui: And you're like, but I have to say it 10 times. And the more time you say I'm rich, the worse you feel in your mind follows your emotions. So it's, you know, and the word says is I'm rich, but the thoughts you're having behind all of that is no, I'm not, this is not true. This is not working. This is BS.

Jacqui: And those are the things that your mind is catching because those match the emotion that you're experiencing.

Mike: So how do you get from A to B?

Jacqui: If you do affirmation, and let's say you say, I'm rich. And then you go, oh god, oh, this is horrible! You soften it. I'm willing to be rich. Aren't you willing to be rich?

Jacqui: Right?

Mike: Right.

Jacqui: Yeah, we all are! (laugh)

Mike: Yeah.

Jacqui: So when you say, I'm willing to be rich, your emotion is different than I am rich. And I'm willing to be rich will the emotion that you're experiencing the other thoughts you have might be like, oh, yeah and if I'm rich I can do this and I can do that and then that joy comes in and then your mind goes Oh, okay when I'm thinking about being willing to be rich, I'm happy. That's what I want and that's what you create and if you go if you soften it to I'm willing to be rich and you still have that funny feeling, it's not quite, you know, there yet, soften it once more.

Jacqui: I'm willing to know it's possible for me to be rich, right? Your mind is like this big machine of possibility. So if you're willing to know that something is possible, your mind won't fight that because your mind love possibilities.

Mike: You know, that's interesting you would pick that. I've heard a video a long time ago, the actor, comedian, Jim Carrey. When he was struggling and doing his stuff, he wrote himself a check to himself for $5,000,000.

Mike: And he kept saying, I am going to make $5,000,000 someday. And I believe the story he tells is that when his first movie, Ace Ventura Pet Detective, which is not at the height of cinema experience, but still good (laugh). When it was successful, his next movie, he asked for $5,000,000, right.

Mike: And he still had the check, right?

Mike: Whether he got five million or not is irrelevant. What's relevant is how it changes how he feels about, right? Himself.

Jacqui: Possibility, right? You know, like if you go back to research it's been so long since I look at this particular research. I'm going to totally mess up on everything, but the idea is behind here.

Jacqui: So before, you know, we break a world record of some sort, it's impossible, right? And if you, you know, like running, for example, if I'm totally messing this up (laugh).

Mike: Oh, it's a good example. I have a one right before you go.

Jacqui: Yes. But okay. So when something hasn't been done yet. Everybody's mind is this is impossible.

Jacqui: This can't be done. The first person that breaks that record allows us to know that there is a possibility. So with the running record, I forgot how fast in a mile...

Mike: Four minutes.

Jacqui: Four minute mile. Thank you.

Mike: Yeah.

Jacqui: And when the first person broke it next year, like so many other people broke it constantly because now it's a possibility.

Jacqui: So our minds just needs to know that there is a possibility and then is able to then bring it to us.

Mike: That's so funny you just said that. This isn't scripted for those of you listening. I just heard this yesterday again when Roger Bannister broke the four minute mile, I think it was 3:59.4, right?

Mike: So you can barely get it. That's then, you know, that's a lean. Since then, people thought it was impossible. Since then, I think I read 1, 800 people have broken the four minute mile.

Jacqui: Isn't that crazy? Because again, possibility. I mean, like if you think about it, when you're telling yourself constantly, that can't be done. There's no way.

Jacqui: How could you be motivated to do anything to create that experience? And so it always go back to mindset is whatever it is that you believe in is what you'll create. It's again, it's, focusing on matching the words with your intention, with your emotion, because your subconscious mind pays attention to your emotion more than anything else.

Jacqui: And so again, if you know, going for the full affirmation doesn't feel quite right, soften it and see what happens. And with Jim Carrey and the $5,000,000 check, that's an awesome example. To make it even better, you give yourself a date. To make it more tangible because yeah, someday is some day ever going to come?

Jacqui: Some day could be a year from now. It could be 50 years from now. It could be, you know, much longer than that. So when you set up affirmation, rather than saying I will, it's, I am. Act as if it's already happening because your subconscious mind doesn't know the difference between what's real versus what's imagined.

Jacqui: If you are thinking about it. Especially with like all these positivity, your mind is going to think, Oh, this is really happening right now. And we like this, let's do more of this. And so with Jim Carrey, I don't know what he did, but for me, what I teach my clients in that particular situation would be, imagine the day that you have that million dollar check presented to you.

Jacqui: How does that feel? Write down all the emotions, right? Who's there with you? What are you saying to them? What are they saying to you? What are your evidence that this is truly happening? And then play that over and over and over in your mind. Ask if it's happening right now. So imagine yourself, you know, getting that check and signing that contract for that next movie and your friends are congratulating you.

Jacqui: You're beaming with pride and, you know, the director is telling you, I can't wait to get started on this project. It's going to be amazing. Bring that all in with as many senses as you can and as much of that positive emotion as you can. The more time you play that, The more possibility you create for your mind and then it gets to a point where it feels real.

Jacqui: And then all of a sudden, the things you do are just so easy. It aligns with your goals. It aligns with your wants and your mind is no longer fighting you. So it would be a lot more effortless to create that dream of yours.

Mike: You know, really strongly attached to hope and hopelessness, right? Think of how many times we hear the message, nobody from my neighborhood ever is successful, or there's no way that I can make it because I'm blank, right?

Mike: I did a podcast with a young man who played in the NBA. He was 5'9" right? And he talked about this. He had to overcome a lot of people being negative about his height to get to the point where he got. And you talk about parents as storytellers. That's the way little kids learn, right? Is through the stories their parents tell.

Jacqui: Exactly. And it's the story that parents tell intentionally to the child. Or the conversation they're having while the child's in the room. That's still storytelling. So, be really aware that at all times your children are listening. And they're learning. And they're creating beliefs surrounding what you're saying.

Jacqui: You know if you're constantly saying, Oh, I can't afford this! You know? What is your child picking up? Those are the story. You're not reading a book to the child. You're not sitting there and, ah, story time, you know. But you're telling those stories of poverty and your child will pick it up. Especially, you know, if you're in a very stressful relationship or even a relationship with yourself and you're having all those negative self talk, you're teaching that to your child.

Jacqui: So parents, start refocusing on gratitude. So you, you know, have your last $20 and you wanted to buy 10 different things for, you know, this particular meal, but you couldn't afford it. A lot of us would complain. Oh, the grocery is too expensive! And, you know, I didn't get that promotion, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Jacqui: What have you turned that into? I'm so grateful that I still have these four items. Let's see what I can do with these four items.

Jacqui: I mean, how would that make you feel differently? And what story are you telling your child?

Mike: Well, and think about this, right? Whenever I hear an interview of somebody who grew up in poverty, who made it, they always tell the same story for the most part.

Mike: I never knew we were poor. Which means their parents were just like expressing the joy of their life as it goes. And compare that to now, I hear a ton of it. I just heard this the other day. These people were complaining at the place I was at about the price of stuff, like you just said. Ah, the price of gas, the price of this.

Mike: And meanwhile, they're driving a big truck. They've all got boats, right? And they've got these you know, these off road vehicles. And I'm looking at them like, the price of gas is irrelevant, you know, you have all this stuff, and you're focused on just a tiny piece of that. I know it's hard, but man, expressing gratitude is difficult for adults.

Jacqui: It is because, again, we're taught at such a young age that negativity is what you focus on because, you know, if something negative is happening back then, now you can, it's easier to tune some of it out. But think about our age growing up, right? When something negative happened, every single channel that you turn is telling the same story.

Jacqui: And it still does that now, but we can turn it off a lot easier. We have more options. We didn't have like, you know, live streaming 24/7 from a million different resources. We had 12 channels (laugh) and it was something negative is happening. All 12 channels are talking about it. So we're taught again, negativity, pain, war, crimes, you know, those are important, not the good stuff.

Mike: Well, talk about this with you and people if you haven't heard Jacqui before if this is your first time listening go back and listen to her last one, you can find it. Just type in Letran in the search engine on the podcast Because you grew up in difficult circumstances. I don't want to recreate it. But you know, you were pregnant at a young age, right, by yourself. And you talked in the last podcast about overcoming that. How did you learn to express gratitude? Because you're full of it. Well, that's a good way to put it.

Jacqui: I'm totally full of it! (laugh) I love that. I didn't know how to express gratitude until more recently. And I think my gratitude practice now is just incredibly strong.

Jacqui: I practice gratitude probably 20, 30 times a day and it's not really anything huge. It's just something goes well. I'm like, Oh, you know, I call Father and it's not a, the God that most people think of and Father to me, it just is beautiful energy. It's not even a man, but I call him father. I call it Father.

Jacqui: And so when something goes well, I'm like, thanks Father. When something doesn't go well, I look for the silver lining because there's always something else, right? So for example, I run an online store selling my books and there are days I just flying off the shelf and it's just amazing I'm like, oh, thank you. Thank you.

Jacqui: And on days that are not going really well, I could go into fear and fire sales or get on social media and bang or whatever. But what I do instead is thank you for this time off Right? You know, I've been working really hard. I've been so focused on this, and now I have this opportunity to take care of myself. Thank you.

Jacqui: So in negative experiences, you still can find something to be grateful for. I love questions. I don't think we talked about all the questions that I ask constantly to myself and with my clients. Gratitude question, the one that I love the most is who would be grateful to have your problem?

Mike: Oh, that's a great question.

Jacqui: I love that question. I didn't come up with it. I heard it from somebody else. I'm like, oh my gosh, I am using that constantly in everything I do because, you know, we get so, again, so narrow minded, so focused in on our problem and our problem could be horrid. Like being pregnant as a 16 year old, that's a huge problem, but who would be grateful to have that problem?

Jacqui: I bet if I were to, 16 year old Jacqui said, all right, I'm trading my problem, my pregnancy for your life. Line up! The line to trade that a problem and have the rest of my life would be incredibly long.

Jacqui: It might be multi states, right? I mean think about you know children in abusive relationships and at home or you know with significant others. They would trade a pregnancy to get out of some of the stuff they're dealing with because I was pregnant, but I didn't have the other stuff. So cancer is another one.

Jacqui: My sister, she was diagnosed with breast cancer a year, a little over a year and a half ago. And she has the most positive attitude. She is incredible. It's very easy to go into the poor me and suffer, but she's like, you know what? I do have breast cancer, but this is my wake up call.

Jacqui: What am I going to do about this?

Jacqui: You know, how am I going to start taking care of myself the way I deserve to be taken care of? And how do I translate this into parenting my children? And so again, it's... No matter how big the problem is. There are millions of people who's willing to trade your problem for theirs, and there's always something that you can learn and grow from and be grateful for.

Mike: You know, that's so helpful, Jacqui, because there, you just mentioned two pretty big things, right? Breast cancer and teenage pregnancy. But think about how many people, all of us included, spend a lot of time complaining about little itty bitty dumb stuff that if you ask the question who'd trade that with you, I think 90 percent of what we complain about would drop away.

Jacqui: Exactly!

Mike: We're still left with the big things, but whether my car is washed, whether the window pane is broken, right. And how much time we spend complaining about the little itty bitty stuff.

Jacqui: Yes. And the question isn't who wants to trade problems is who will be grateful for this problem. There are people who would be grateful to have your problem,

Mike: To have a window.

Jacqui: Right?

Jacqui: Yeah. Right. You have a window, to have a car, to, you know, have everything else. So that gratitude practice is so incredibly important. And for anybody who practiced it before and didn't get the results that you're looking for, look at how you're practicing the gratitude. Are you truly focusing on the things that you want to create?

Jacqui: Or are you focusing on the things you want to not have anymore, because there's a difference, right?

Jacqui: Because the affirmation could be I'm grateful to have this broken window and this great car (laugh). That's different than, you know, I'm grateful for not having to deal with. There's one is I'm grateful for having this, and the other one is I'm grateful I don't have to deal with that.

Jacqui: So when you are, I'm grateful for the not having to deal with, you're affirming the negative. Does that make sense?

Mike: Yes, it does. And even though you're well, I was thinking about your new book, right? That there's so many different ways you could explore that, right? If I'm a parent reading this to the kid, to my child about the nose.

Mike: Well, we could introduce all sorts of scents in there and like, what do you smell that you like smelling? And let's go get that. And let's, you know let me bake some bread. Let me do whatever. And so there's all these stories you can tell around it. But that aside, I know this is, your new book is geared to little ones, but I gotta ask, I can't let you get outta here.

Mike: Our conversation last time when you write about gratitude. How do you go about doing that with teenagers? Because they're, but they're at the height of everything. Yesterday I said, how many of you, I was talking to a bunch of high school freshmen. I said, how many of you know somebody who wakes up in the morning and says, this is boring, this is stupid, I hate this. And they all raise their hand and half of them point at themselves, right? Maybe that's a developmental state. How do you get them into that more positive mode?

Jacqui: It's the same thing. You know, children, little children, teenager, adults aren't that different is that we all want the same thing.

Jacqui: We want to be happy. We want to be light. We want to feel good about ourselves and good about the people we're around. Circumstances and society teach us to be a different way, but that's not the true nature of who we are. Right? So when I work with teens, and I teach them about the mind, because it's so important to understand the why behind it.

Jacqui: Because if someone just tells me to go do gratitude, go say this ten times, and they don't understand, and I don't understand why behind it, it's not gonna make sense. I won't know how to correct it if it doesn't go well. Right? So the first part is always really about teaching about the mind and it's a really simple exercise that I do when I do assemblies.

Jacqui: I want to do group exercise and I do it one on one too. I have them close their eyes and I have them just imagine something that happened to them that was, you know, upsetting to them. Not like painful. I don't want them to start crying, although I've done that too for effect, but just something that's upsetting to them and ask them to recognize when they think about those upsetting things, how does that make them feel?

Jacqui: And then of course they talk about it feel worse and you know, their body closed down. You don't want to do anything. And all they did was just think about that thing. The mind's like, oh, if you think it, it's happening.

Mike: Oh, great.

Jacqui: Right? And so then I right immediately say, okay, now imagine your favorite movie star, your favorite singer, your favorite YouTube influencer wanna hang out with you.

Jacqui: What is that like? And they're smiling ear to ear and they're just so happy. And some jump up and down and I'm just like this. Having them imagine something very simple and that to them is that contrast, you know, like they have without a doubt the experience of thinking negative thoughts and feeling really worse about their situation and themselves and pretending something amazing happens.

Jacqui: And then they feel really good. And from that segue into gratitude really easily and teaching them, okay, so yes, you know, you, you have, your homework is late and you're going to be in a lot of trouble. If you think all those negative thoughts how will your day be? How will that solve your situation? But if you recognize that, okay, so my homework is late and my mom is probably going to get really mad at me, what can I do?

Jacqui: Put the power back into you. What can I do to fix this? What is the one little thing I can do right now to take some of that control back? All of a sudden they feel good about themselves because there is something they can do. They're no longer helpless. They're in a situation that, yeah, it might be crappy.

Jacqui: You know, I might get yelled at. I might get grounded, but I can be grateful that I still have a house and a beautiful room to get grounded to.

Mike: Yes.

Jacqui: And so it's always bringing it back to the whole thing with, you know, again, teaching how the mind works. And then focusing on who would be grateful to have this problem.

Jacqui: Who would be grateful to have your specific problem?

Mike: You know, I'm a guy and I just had somebody on talking about this, how I grew up in the generation of suck it up, right?

Mike: Men, we were all told suck it up. We can't do any of this stuff. And if you expressed any of what we're talking about today, it's like, ah, sissy stuff, so to speak.

Mike: Well, I heard a there's a gentleman a former Navy SEAL, Admiral McRaven, I think his name is. And he wrote a book called Make Your Bed. About being grateful and just doing little things. Start out the morning make your bed.

Jacqui: Yes.

Mike: And look at it. You've done one thing.

Jacqui: Exatly.

Mike: So what you just said right, gratitude doesn't have to be about.

Mike: Oh my kid got into Harvard which I never said and... It can be little things right?

Jacqui: I think it's a little thing that matters more. You know, because those big things are great. But if you're waiting for the big thing to celebrate, you're missing out on so much. If you're celebrating every little milestone, you're going to have so much more joy and happiness in your life.

Mike: How are you going to spend World Gratitude Day?

Jacqui: Talking about my books. Actually, you know, I have a date with my granddaughter.

Mike: Oh, see, there you go.

Jacqui: On Zoom because I'm back home, but she's my, my joy. And so I really just want to spend a lot of time with her and just. You know, so I was visiting her (laugh) and teaching her about the Bean Bean book, right?

Jacqui: And she absolutely loved it. And then she, she said to me, she's like, but you go back to the phone soon (laugh)

Mike: Oh yeah. Right.

Jacqui: You know, I'm so grateful that we have a FaceTime to be able to connect because otherwise I would not really get to know her. I mean, because I've Facetimed with her ever since she was little, when I see her in person after not seeing her for four or five months, I mean, it's like there's no lost time.

Jacqui: And so we joke, like, okay, so we're gonna, you know, I'm gonna go back in my phone, and you're gonna go back on in your phone for me, and we'll hang out. And she's so happy about that, because she was getting kind of sad that she won't get to physically come over anymore. But going back to gratitude, I am going to just spend all my time with her as much as I can, being grateful that we have this opportunity to connect no matter how far we are.

Mike: Oh, that's great. What a great way to end this. You know, thank you so much for not just doing this podcast with me prior to World Gratitude Day, but also your work. Because, you know, whenever I do this, it just focuses me on, yeah, drop the negativity. Because we're all surrounded by it. And it's just such a great reminder that we'll all be better off not ignoring the negative, but focusing on the positive, right?

Jacqui: Yes.

Mike: For those of you who want to order Jacqui's books and do it! There's a link attached to the website. If you can listen in next time, if you're able. Until then stay safe and be ever so grateful for who you are today.